Small World? ไม่รู้…

Tonight there is a strange feeling in the air; it's driving me, but it's hard to make clear. どうしようかなぁー…　分からないけど　ちょっと分かりたい。ちょっと眠たい。ちょっと本当に遊びたい。頑張ります。

I wandered a bit tonight; big meeting in the 市, insides are strange; not wanting to be around people, but feeling mildly social; not wanting to eat but hungry, not wanting to be alone but wanting just walk quietly my own way - nothing will suffice tonight, I think. A combination of so many things. So I went off in search of a better description, and all I came up with, when I finally got home … after biking around town and finally settling for a small basket of onion rings on the way home … was this:

I miss my blanky.

But even though it's true, I don't think that's really it either. Nothing is. :) でも大丈夫よ。

Sometimes the adventure's just in the feeling itself. ;)

A best friend of mine had a miscarriage recently; clearly not a happy moment. But still. Two of my best friends, recently married, were hoping for a baby. Yet still here, so far away, I get the news so quickly.

It's hard sometimes, to have moved so far - but I've moved my whole life; even though I have moved and come truly far, I look at what I can hear and do, and am amazed. For example, I can talk to you.

It's amazing, this world in which we live; gargantuan and huge, while we're tiny and small. But with the click of a mouse everyplace is close; momentarily, in a way. Years ago I left everyone I knew, I left home, I left friends, school, I left even a language I could speak and use. For one year, from that world, I was gone. The occasional letter would come to me in my new place; I read the books I brought. But I was living in a very different world.

Afterwards, I often struggled with the two worlds I had inside. One Thai. One US American. I came here, to Japan, partially because of that old struggle, to sort out the things I found there roiling around within. Amusingly I've found, those worlds are both gone, long, long gone. It is the ones in which we live that are real; and they are real, for the briefest times, and then they change. We move on, they change. We move on. But through it all - *we*, not they, can break the distance, the time, the divisions, the barriers. We shatter them with our words, our technologies, or stories, and our friends. Yet still they change.

Hm. What was will never be, but because of it, this has become.

Now there's a sentence I'll not torture my students with.

Happy thoughts to all. The world really is pretty small, even though it looks most days so big.

Schlafe wohl. Traüm gut, あきらめらないで下さい。