Wind Update.

50 pictures with captions intended for my former elementary students in NH. We miss each other. :) What can I say?

http://wind.snowyrock.net/

I will probably update it periodically, but how often and in what way remains to be seen. (As always, feedback is welcome.)

(link corrected อา. ม.ค. 29, 10:52 ก่อนเที่ยง JST)

Small World? ไม่รู้…

Tonight there is a strange feeling in the air; it's driving me, but it's hard to make clear. どうしようかなぁー…　分からないけど　ちょっと分かりたい。ちょっと眠たい。ちょっと本当に遊びたい。頑張ります。

I wandered a bit tonight; big meeting in the 市, insides are strange; not wanting to be around people, but feeling mildly social; not wanting to eat but hungry, not wanting to be alone but wanting just walk quietly my own way - nothing will suffice tonight, I think. A combination of so many things. So I went off in search of a better description, and all I came up with, when I finally got home … after biking around town and finally settling for a small basket of onion rings on the way home … was this:

I miss my blanky.

But even though it's true, I don't think that's really it either. Nothing is. :) でも大丈夫よ。

Sometimes the adventure's just in the feeling itself. ;)

A best friend of mine had a miscarriage recently; clearly not a happy moment. But still. Two of my best friends, recently married, were hoping for a baby. Yet still here, so far away, I get the news so quickly.

It's hard sometimes, to have moved so far - but I've moved my whole life; even though I have moved and come truly far, I look at what I can hear and do, and am amazed. For example, I can talk to you.

It's amazing, this world in which we live; gargantuan and huge, while we're tiny and small. But with the click of a mouse everyplace is close; momentarily, in a way. Years ago I left everyone I knew, I left home, I left friends, school, I left even a language I could speak and use. For one year, from that world, I was gone. The occasional letter would come to me in my new place; I read the books I brought. But I was living in a very different world.

Afterwards, I often struggled with the two worlds I had inside. One Thai. One US American. I came here, to Japan, partially because of that old struggle, to sort out the things I found there roiling around within. Amusingly I've found, those worlds are both gone, long, long gone. It is the ones in which we live that are real; and they are real, for the briefest times, and then they change. We move on, they change. We move on. But through it all - *we*, not they, can break the distance, the time, the divisions, the barriers. We shatter them with our words, our technologies, or stories, and our friends. Yet still they change.

Hm. What was will never be, but because of it, this has become.

Now there's a sentence I'll not torture my students with.

Happy thoughts to all. The world really is pretty small, even though it looks most days so big.

Schlafe wohl. Traüm gut, あきらめらないで下さい。

New Grammar, Old thoughts.

I took a walk tonight, with Orion, my old friend. We walked a little, in the starlight, and I thought this in the end.

人生で時々本当すばらしい良い事が起こります。
でもいつもじゃない。
だから時々自分ですばらしい良い事を起こらせります。

みんながしたら
みんなの人生が
全部世界で
もっと良いすばらしくなるそう。

ね。

今夜ちょっと散歩した。オリオン、私の良い星に住んでいる友達と歩いていた。後少し自分の考えも　星に向かって行った。お休みなさい。

Oyasumi nasai. Good night, sleep well.

Man meint es passiert siemlich oft. ね。

This movie looks amusing. Title transliterates to: "Alien VS. Vanessa: Parody" from the katakana.
http://www.avvp.jp/
I think it's European.

Just got home a little while ago. 疲れたけど　楽しかった。The day was intense again; partially 'cause my new Friday school just seems to be that way - it's unbelievable: It's like all talk, all the time. Classes, kids, even teachers. And the kids are really goin' for it, and not only that, but they're funny too. They don't react in class, but I crack jokes, and afterwards, they laugh. Then the find me later and crack their own. But also partially 'cause I was up late last night; partly just a sudden bout of mania, and partly 'cause I finally got to doing something I'd been wanting to do for a while last night, and once started, got into it, finished, and just couldn't stop.

It was strange; at nearly 3am last night, I still had to remind myself that I must be tired. And then this morning - not even 4 whole hours later I groggily got up, headed out the door full steam to bike out across the city, up a mountain (and not a small one at that) and show up at Jr. High. My mood rocked; I didn't yawn once til I got home. And though, yes, the day was a bit unfiltered by my lessened inhibitions and stronger feelings (sleepiness can do that to me) it was, otherwise, great.

I think, to be able to periodically do this is probably a sign I am sleeping and exercising well; and my stress is likely little on the whole.

Anyway. The kids were awesome today. I seem to turn into such a strong, unstoppable, unquenchable extravert on Fridays; I morphed somewhat into that at my last friday school, in 牛田。But this one - wow. It's strong. I passed them up the short hill on the start of the bike home, and they kept yelling out, エリック！ {eriku!} and waving -not unusual- and then yelling comments out at me, jokes, random phrases, laced with context and meaning -very unusual. Between them and their teachers, I got these guys inspired. I don't know why it's going so much easier now than when I got here, but it is; and it's good to feel good. Today I met the 1年生。They were really amusing. There's this one gaggle of about 20 or so girls who have determined that I must know all their names. Now. I only go their once a week, and will be lucky to see their classes once a month - but, they insist. Constantly, following me, reminding me, "I am Na-chan. I am Aya. I am…" Despite my memory, I don't stand a chance. I turn it into jokes games. "You are Qoo-chan!" (I like Qoo. It's a drink. So is Na-chan, but that's not how she got her name.) Between them, the special ed kids constantly chasing me down and needing to be artfully redirected - I do it in english, much to the amusement of the other teachers, but those two boys are great. and... and, and. All that and the guy who sits next to me in the teacher room (on the rare moments I'm actually there) is one of the first young *male* teacher I've known here, and he's a lot of fun to talk to.

I don't know. どうしようか。Maybe a movie tonight? I need to clean... but I know I'm distracted. Just got a call. Thinking of Yakitori - the people more than the food, want to lose english. So much I want, but I know I won't focus, not in this state. And there was a TV show at 9 that I looked for last week and didn't find that the ３年生 keep insisting I watch.

So, yeah. Worn out, whipped, beaten, wiped, wasted, だんだんundeniably眠たくなっている〜 all the things that go into that oft used word, 疲れた {tsukareta}. I put everything into it, I know I can feel it; 'cause it feels so good. The appropriate thing to say to me is: 「疲れ様でした！」 But I just say, 「疲れた。」plop down, and leave it at that. :)

強く頑張ったので 幸せに疲れた。

Last week was intense. New Term, new schools. Lots of energy. It went well - somedays, amazingly well. I gave it all I got.

Now, though, I'm pretty wiped out. My job is to stand in front of crowded classrooms of younger, teenage kids and explain things to them in a language they don't speak. Somedays, I do pretty good. Last week had a lot of those. The newness makes it all much more intense.

But I made them laugh this time. Even some of the quiet ones. That's always a good sign.

This weekend, I hide. The urge comes from deep down inside. But tomorrow, tomorrow morning I get up a little early head over to the train station - and hop on a train to go find a female friend I've met a few times, but little more. She's takin' me out of the city, through the forests and mountains of Yamaguchi-ken [山口県], next door, where we'll find a cave. A big one. And beautiful scenery along the way she says. A good chunk of time, with just a few people; travelling so conversation; my japanese can do that now, unlike the last few times, so it'll be even better, maybe deep conversation. All good.

And just what's needed. ;)

Nature, a good friend, and a mission.

Three things that make the world more real. Three things that help the tired, worn soul heal. :)

Immer positiv.

Do I look bewildered or disappointed in this picture? Lost? Standing in front of the sign I need but still totally unable to see it because my OWN eyes are closed? It does look like I'm forgetting something.

I had some extra time at the end of the day at school today. I recently went on a rather long and adventurous trip into northern Japan over winter break. Naturally, I've got a couple people out there I intend to write about it to. Some read english. Some don't. This time, the 日本語speakers won the coin toss. So with intense focus and a little trepidation at the effort involved, I sat down and started writing. (Actually, I moved over and nabbed the best computer in the school as no one was using it and started typing. It's much easier.) Two hours later, with the school principal looking over my shoulder remarking and beaming and the vice principal suggesting occasional words at me (no, there's no privacy in a Japanese teacher room, but usually it's amusing) much to my own worn out delight they pronounced it a work of literary art, amusing, well done, perfect, fluent, interesting, and …not so many mistakes that it's impossible to understand. :) "It is understandable!" I heard, and frequent, "Look, he's using Kanji!!"

It's a room full of teachers. You kind of have to expect some of this kind of excitement.

Wiped and not wanting to go hunt for my USB memory thingy, I sat. It was late, my brain was fried. I quickly copied the whole thing and pasted it into a webmail message to myself, hit send, logged off, went outside and finished track practice with the track team, and biked home.

The message is entirely unreadable. Thanks to the !@#$! text encoding on windows' machines (I checked my account) though it looked FINE when I hit send, none of the japanese got recorded. You know, I just want a computer to work. When it is having problems, I want it to tell me and allow me to interrupt. Nothing more!!! Goodness.

So, all that work, and I can't post it to mixi like I wanted, I can't reread it or take it down to the yakitori guys for proofreading, I can't just sit and grin and marvel at my first - and amazingly successful seeming - attempt at actually writing something out in 日本語; actually telling a story about something real with no translation... I can't I can't I can't 全然出来ないよ！！！！！

My only option, it seems, is to finish where I left off here, tonight, from memory, post it, and then post the first half tomorrow.

I just... have no other choice. Damn.

And they think I'm confusing on PURPOSE. heh.

Aber wir wißen die Wahrheit, ja? :)

頑張ります。

Have you ever gone biking in the snow?

It snowed in 広島(hiroshima). Like a week before Christmas.


Yeah. I was pretty surprised. Sorry if I seemed a bit over enthusiastic when I IMmed some of you early that morning, before the sun rose, and I knew where I had to go. But I never knew what I'd see when I got there; nor could I ever have anticipated the 4.5 hours it took to ride the 25 odd miles up along the river to 飯室(imuro).

Sometimes the snow was so thick the bike wouldn't even move. I had to go the long way to avoid the second hill north of 可部[kabe]. It wasn't the going up that was the problem as much as the going down - the heavy white snow just built up all around the tires wouldn't let you move. It was still falling when I left.

But it was so beautiful. Sometimes, riding down the road, I'd pass by these little old ladies just stepped out their doors with a broom to tackle the two feet of 雪[yuki = snow]. It was so quiet. I'd let out a muffled "おはようございます” and they'd look, and they'd look again... and sometimes they'd stare.

It was 7am.
There was a BIKER.
He didn't look japanese.
He spoke!!!
...and he seemed to be enjoying himself.

Only one of them remembered to say "おはよう" back. I was very amused. (Another one called out to her husband.) One of the old men saw me s l o w l y comin' and stopped to watch, and grinned. "がんばってね！” He insisted as I approached. [You go, boy! Don't stop now!] I just grinned back and said "はい！[hai!]” It was only later I got to see how much white snow had stuck to my fuzzy face, making me not at all unlike a very skinny Santa Claus.

The teachers were shocked when the found out I was coming. Almost there, I finally got someone at the school on the phone to apologize for arriving horribly late. They told me "Oh, 絵陸先生— 今日は生徒いません！". No students, I thought. I paused, knee deep in snow on an old, windy country road hugging the river through the mountains.


"[Why?]" I asked.
"雪から〜　S’now—がすごい。。。"と言った。
"[Why are you here?]" she said, rapidly apologizing for the lack of communication now becomming undeniably clear. Oops. They probably hadn't decided until after I left home, though, and in the end it wouldn't have meant I didn't need to come in. But it did mean I didn't have to rush.
"[Because]…" I said, "[Because of the snow. I'm comin' but I may be a bit slower from here, ok?] I thought about my camera.
"はい。” she said. "気をつけて."
"はい。” I said.

Dang that was happiness. Everyone laughed. After I arrived, so did two students. I stayed until I dried, and the Principal just kept shaking his head at me in disbelief. He grinned, grilled me about the weather in Minnesota a few times, and sent me off early with a head start - so I could get home before it got dark.

And I did.


And let me tell ya. That much bright??? It stays inside for a LONG time.

Two days of quiet peace.

(Suzanne Vega has given me some words today. Well, between her and Rammstein -words and spirit- I'm doing fine.)

Solitude. It's been so long since I've had it, perhaps I didn't even know how much I needed it. The last six months have been so busy - not always full, but busy - never stopping, always meeting, always planning for the next day and the next. I got back from my big winter vacation adventure and... well... just stopped.

Yeah, I played computer games for the better part of two days and I rarely left the house. I went to a movie- that felt good. I sat down and tried to write- that started another computer game. ;) I cooked, I did laundry, I played with my new toys. But now, my breathing's changed. My thinking is clearer. The mood is starting to clean up from within.

Something so simple; time alone in space that is mine.

Only downside - on Thursday the weather was beautiful, and I only went out in it once.

Ok. Today I have things to be and places to do so… á bientôt.

始まりました。

毎日冒険。いつも頑張る。
You never know what you will find in life, and now I have found this.

Whither to I can only guess,
but for now I may say less
and sit and wonder, ponder, bemuse,
wear warm socks
and smile with happiness.

The dreams are real. Their grasping, I can feel.
始めました！[hajimemashite!]
Das ist hier alles neues…

-erk, เอิค 絵陸。